There is a crisis beneath the noise. Beneath the podcasts, the influencers, the political crusades, and the cultural anxiety, there is a simple truth we rarely dare to admit: men no longer know who they are supposed to become.
Culture tells men to be either harmless or dominant.
The church tells men to behave.
Marketing tells men to consume.
Politics tells men to react.
And so men float between bravado and passivity, between swagger and numbness, between silence and anger.
But Scripture does not ask men to perform masculinity.
It calls men to become fully human, and that is far more demanding.
The biblical story begins not with stereotypes but with vocation. Genesis does not give Adam chest hair and a six pack. It hands him responsibility, presence, and the freedom to love.
“Be an image,” God says. “Reflect Me back to the world.”
Every vision of manhood that does not begin with imaging God is too small.
The Counterfeits We’ve Inherited
Much of what masquerades as masculinity today is insecurity wearing armour.
Richard Rohr bluntly observes that most men never leave their boyhood emotionally; they simply acquire “adult toys, adult addictions, and adult costumes.” They age, but they do not grow. They take on roles, but not initiation. They wield power, but not wisdom.
Robert Bly, in Iron John, says the modern world stole the rites of passage men once had. Without initiation, men are left “unparented,” wandering the world with unclaimed grief and an untamed inner life. They try to be men by instinct, imitation, or rebellion instead of transformation.
Gordon Dalbey warns the church has often been complicit. Instead of forming men into courageous, vulnerable, God-shaped humans, it has pushed them toward quiet compliance or performative strength. Men learn to hide their wounds and call it holiness. They learn to avoid sin instead of confronting their brokenness. They learn to serve the institution instead of listening for the voice of God.
And Walter Trobisch, writing decades ago, saw the fracture clearly: men try to find masculinity in sexuality, status, or control because they lack an inner identity rooted in Christ.
The result?
A generation of men strong in the wrong places and weak in the right ones.
The Biblical Shape of Manhood
Scripture forms men not through slogans but through story.
God does not give men a blueprint; He gives them encounters.
Adam must name and cultivate.
Abraham must leave and trust.
Moses must stand and intercede.
David must repent and learn to shepherd, not conquer.
Jeremiah must weep.
Joseph must endure the hidden years.
Peter must fail, break, and rise again.
Paul must unlearn power to embrace suffering love.
None of these men fit a cultural stereotype.
All of them are formed through responsibility, weakness, and divine presence.
Notice the pattern:
God does not build men through ease, applause, or self-expression.
He builds them through responsibility, sacrifice, and surrender.
This is the scandal.
This is why modern visions of masculinity fall apart.
Real masculinity is not the will to power; it is the will to give oneself away.
James K. A. Smith reminds us we become what we love and practice.
If a man loves comfort, he becomes soft.
If he loves dominance, he becomes violent.
If he loves applause, he becomes shallow.
If he loves God, he becomes like Christ.
And Christ is the truly human one.
Jesus and the Inversion of Male Power
Jesus does not abolish masculinity, He purifies it.
He is strong enough to sit with children.
Bold enough to confront injustice.
Tender enough to weep.
Courageous enough to be silent.
Secure enough to be misunderstood.
Steady enough to face death without vengeance.
Alive enough to rise without bitterness.
He shows men that authority is given for service. That strength is measured by restraint.
That courage is the ability to remain present in suffering.
That manhood is not dominance but devotion.
As N. T. Wright says, virtue is not instinct but habit, the shaping of character into Christlikeness. Jesus reveals that the true telos of manhood is not control but communion, not impressiveness but integrity.
The world either romanticises male strength or condemns it.
Jesus redeems it.
The Philosophical Crisis: When We Lost the Meaning of “Man”
Modern society has no unified definition of manhood because it has no unified definition of humanity. When there is no Creator, there is no design. When there is no design, there is no vocation. When there is no vocation, identity becomes performance.
The modern man is told to invent himself, then shamed when he chooses wrong.
In a disenchanted age, the male soul is unmoored.
Without teleology, masculinity fractures into absurdity.
Robert Bly saw this coming long before the cultural debates exploded. He warned that a man without initiation becomes spiritually thin, reacting rather than responding, consuming rather than creating.
Rohr argued the same: uninitiated men misuse power. Initiated men channel power toward blessing.
This is the prophetic word men need today:
Your identity is not self-generated.
It is received.
It is bestowed.
It is discovered in relationship with the God who formed you.
A man without God becomes a caricature.
A man in God becomes a vessel.
The Cost When Men Shrink
This is where the blog becomes uncomfortable.
Most of the pain in the world is carried by women and children when men refuse the call to grow.
When men choose comfort over courage, families bend under the pressure.
When men choose silence over confession, wounds deepen.
When men choose escape over presence, children learn to parent themselves.
When men choose control over love, communities fracture.
When men choose pride over repentance, churches rot.
Every abusive man was once a boy who learned that power is easier than humility.
Every emotionally absent man was once a boy who learned that numbness is safer than love.
Every angry man was once a boy who learned he was not allowed to cry.
The world bleeds when men shrink.
And the church bleeds when men hide.
The Way Forward: Initiation, Identity, and Surrender
Biblical masculinity is not an aesthetic.
Not a stereotype.
Not a political project.
Not a posture.
It is a journey of initiation.
Dalbey says a man becomes a man when he hears the true voice of the Father calling him “beloved” and “responsible.”
Trobisch says a man becomes a man when he learns self-mastery, not self-protection.
Rohr says a man becomes a man through suffering that breaks open the false self.
Bly says a man becomes a man when he faces the wild parts of his soul without fear.
And Scripture says a man becomes a man when he takes up his cross.
When he cultivates instead of consumes.
When he protects without dominating.
When he loves without demanding.
When he speaks truth without cruelty.
When he sacrifices without applause.
When he repents without shame.
When he stands, stays, and gives himself away.
This is not masculinity as performance.
This is masculinity as Christlike maturity.
Men are not called to be impressive.
Men are called to be present.
Men are not called to be invincible.
Men are called to be faithful.
Men are not called to be conquerors.
Men are called to be servants of resurrection.
The Invitation
International Men’s Day should not be a celebration of stereotypes.
It should be a summons.
A call for men to rise from passivity.
To unlearn dominance.
To confront themselves.
To seek healing.
To pursue God.
To become men who carry weight without crushing others.
Men do not need to reclaim power.
Men need to reclaim presence.
The world does not need louder men.
It needs deeper men.
Men who refuse to hide.
Men who listen before they speak.
Men who bless instead of break.
Men who take responsibility for the atmosphere they create.
Men who look like Jesus.
This is not the world’s masculinity.
This is not reactionary masculinity.
This is not churchy, polite masculinity.
This is reborn masculinity.
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A Benediction for Men
May you be a man of quiet strength,
rooted in the love of Christ,
guided by His wisdom not fear.
May your courage be gentle
and your power used to heal.
May you carry compassion in your hands
and truth in your bones.
May the wounds you bear find mending,
and the wounds you’ve given find mercy.
May you walk with humility,
speak with kindness,
and live with holy wonder.
And as you go,
may Christ lead you,
steady you,
and shape you into a man who becomes whole.
