God – Page 5 – Scribbling Theology

Where are You Lord?

30/07/202114/08/2025 scribblingtheology1 Comment

How long O’ Lord

How long must I wait?

What are you trying to teach me?

What are you trying to say?

What are you, Lord?

I cannot see you.

Are you in the green grass?

The mountain air?

A lover’s embrace?

Emptiness and pain are often louder than Your words,

Uncertainty and loss blind me to Your presence.

Yet, there is a stirring inside of me,

a flicker, a lump of coal, smouldering – gently within.

Tenderly blow upon these embers and awaken this old and dying heart.

Breath from Your nostrils – life.

Where are You, O’ Lord?

Propitiation and Redemption in the Book of Romans

09/07/202115/08/2025 scribblingtheology3 Comments

This was a recent essay I did in my Romans class at college. I’m proud of this because I got pretty good grades for it so I thought I’d share it with all of you. Enjoy 🙂

The themes of redemption (ἀπολυτρώσεως) and propitiation (ἱλαστήριον) can be found throughout the entire storyline of the Bible. From Genesis 3, where God makes the promise that a seed will come to destroy the serpent (Gen 3:15), then God takes an animal, slays it, and covers Adam and Eve in animal skin (Gen 3:21), through to the sacrificial laws in Leviticus, all the way to Jesus in the Gospels, these themes are richly integrated into the very fabric and thrust of the Bible’s entire narrative. Paul, in particular, picks up on these essential themes and, in his epistle to the Romans, he masterfully espouses a rich theology in light of the Messiah and the entire Old Testament Scriptures. However, the themes of propitiation and redemption in Romans have not been without controversy.

This essay will aim to trace Paul’s usage of both themes of propitiation and redemption throughout the book of Romans. This will be done by exploring critical passages in Romans where these themes occur, exploring the debate among scholars and the various interpretations of the terms, and finally exploring any implications that are applicable to the Christian life.

Redemption in Romans

First, it is crucial to have some historical context behind the idea of redemption to better understand how Paul uses the word in Romans. In the Greco-Roman world, to redeem someone was to liberate a slave by purchasing (or ransoming) their freedom (Morris 1993, 784). This understanding of redemption was true for all of antiquity, going back as far as the Exodus story where God frees (redeems and ransoms) Israel from servitude to the Egyptians (Ex 12-24). For Paul and his audience, the theme of redemption would have evoked memories of the exodus stories of freedom from slavery, crossing the red sea, wilderness wanderings, Passover, promised land, and exile (Wright 2002, 470-471).

Twice we come across the word redemption explicitly being used. The first is in Romans 3:24 “and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,” and then again in Romans 8:23 “And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” However, redemptive imagery can be found all over the letter such as in Romans 6, where Paul uses slavery language to demonstrate that those in Christ are now slaves to righteousness and God rather than sin and the flesh (Morris 1993, 785).

Redemption in Romans 3:24

As aforementioned, the first place we find the word redemption is in Romans 3:24 quoted above. In this passage, Paul is arguing that justification (the forensic declaration of being acquitted from sin) is a gift from God that comes via freedom from slavery (redemption) to sin (Hagner 2008, 70-71). Scholars debate whether redemption in this passage includes payment (or ransom) so that one can be set free. As already mentioned, the ancient world and secular Greek literature always assumed some payment would occur for the slave to be set free. However, when one considers both the Septuagint (LXX) and the New Testament, it is evident that a ransom is not always present in the idea of redemption (Schreiner 2018, 197-198). Nevertheless, most scholars agree that Paul most likely had both ransom and redemption in mind (Schreiner 2018, 198). Though, instead of the ransom being paid by God the Son to God the Father (Moo 1996, 230-231), it was paid by God in Christ to “the personified power of sin” mentioned in Romans 3:9 (Dunn 1988, 180).

Redemption in Romans 8:23

The second passage we find the word redemption is in Romans 8:23. Here we have Paul discussing the redemption of the created order in relationship with human redemption. Throughout the entire letter of Romans, Paul has an impressive theology of creation that culminates in this passage as he is concerned with the renewal of everything God has created, not just humans or His elect (Stenschke 2017, 261-289). Scholars agree that redemption is closely related to adoption as they are used almost interchangeably to demonstrate the now and not yet tensions in Paul’s argument. Paul argues that the Christian has already been redeemed (adopted), that they are being redeemed (spiritually), and that they will be redeemed (physically) at the eschatological end of the age (Moo 1996, 518-520). Mike Bird explains this well in his commentary when he says, “in the case of redemption, it is not just redemption from the penalty of sin, but the redemption of the body from the presence of sin that remains outstanding. The resurrection of the body will be the event that will consummate both adoption and redemption” (Bird 2016, 280).

Hilasterion in Romans

Propitiation or the Greek word hilasterion (ἱλαστήριον) occurs only once in all of Paul’s letters in Romans 3:25, “whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins,” making Paul’s use of the word a hot topic for debate among scholars. C. H. Dodd famously argued that the word should be translated as expiation (the removal of sin) as opposed to the pagan idea of God’s anger needing to be satisfied through sacrifice (Hodd 1935, 82-95). Later, the reformed interpretation of propitiation (to satisfy God’s wrath) was championed by Leon L. Morris in his book “The Apostolic Preaching of the Cross” (Morris 1965, 144-213) as he called into question the validity of Dodd’s interpretation of the word (Moo 1996, 198-199). Additionally, others have argued that the hilasterion should be interpreted as “mercy seat” where atonement took place in Leviticus 16 (Gundry-Volf 1993, 279-284).

Propitiation

Some scholars argue that hilasterion should be translated as “propitiation”, meaning “the removal or satisfaction of God’s wrath.” Interestingly, there is some debate among exponents of propitiation as to whether “sacrifice” exists in the passage. Scholars agree that a sacrifice is not found in the atonement, making it difficult to argue for a sacrifice in Romans 3:25. However, some would argue that Paul innovatively develops the idea of a present sacrifice in the propitiatory theme (Moo 1996, 236). On the other hand, scholars would reject the idea of a sacrifice being present that Paul’s expression means “to make atonement” not “to offer a sacrifice.” They argue that, at best, sacrifice is in the back of Paul’s mind, not in the forefront. Nevertheless, advocates all agree that “Christ adverted the divine wrath from sinners” (Morris 1988, 181).

Scholars argue for propitiation in Romans 3:25 in two primary ways. First, scholars explain that the common use of the word in the ancient world was to either satisfy or remove wrath (Kidner 1982, 119-136). Second, proponents of propitiation argue that the biblical context of Romans 3:25 is that all of humanity are sinners under the wrath of God (Rom 1:18-3:20), insinuating that if hilasterion does not mean the removal of wrath, then humanity is still under it (Mounce 1995, 117).

Expiation and Mercy Seat

Other scholars argue that hilasterion should be translated as expiation meaning that Christ’s death “is how God does away with his people’s sin – not symbolically, as in the ritual of Leviticus 16 in which the material mercy-seat figured, but really” (Bruce 1985, 111). In other words, God removes sin or cleanses a person via Christ’s blood and His death. Scholars who advocate for this view recognise the Old Testament connections that Paul is making to Exodus 25 and Leviticus 16, where the lid of the ark or “the mercy seat” was the place where sin was dealt with. It is where the high priest during the Day of Atonement would sprinkle blood as a sacrifice to cleanse the temple and himself so that he would not die in the presence of God (Wright 2002, 474). Additionally, the priest would lay the sins of the people on the head of a goat and literally remove the sin by sending the goat away from the camp. All of this was in Paul’s mind in Romans 3:25 (Dunn 1988, 171). These same scholars point out that in these rituals there is no mention of judgement or wrath being vicariously satisfied through the animals on behalf of the people. In fact, the killing of the animals was never part of the atonement, they were slain elsewhere, and it was the blood that was used at the alter (Wright 2016, 295-355). Finally, these scholars are quick to point out that the word hilasterion nearly always means or refers “mercy seat” in the LXX (Bailey 2000, 155-158) and in it means mercy seat in its other New Testament occurrence in Hebrews 9:5 (Stott 2001, 114).

Satisfy or Cleanse?

So out of the interpretations discussed in this essay, which are the most convincing? Both. When all the evidence is considered, there is no reason not to believe that Paul here has both in mind the secular use of the word hilasterion (propitiation) and the biblically canonical one (expiation and mercy seat). As N. T. Wright says in his commentary, “But that fact remains that in 1:18-3:20 Paul has declared that the wrath of God is revealed against all ungodliness and wickedness and that despite God’s forbearance this will this will finally be meted out; that in 5:8, and in the whole promise of 8:1-30, those who are Christ’s are rescued from wrath; and that the passage in which the reason for the change is stated is 3:25-26…” (Wright 2002, 476). In other words, the redemption of humanity comes via Christ’s hilasterion, that is, His expiating sacrifice as that removes sin and, in turn, wrath from those who are united to Him by faith (Bird 2016, 119).

Implications for Christian Ministry and Living

The themes of redemption and hilasterion are among some of the most important themes in all of Scripture as they relate to the death of Jesus and our salvation. These themes are central to the Gospel, and therefore, central to the Christian life and ministry. For some, the nuance and semantics might lead some to dismiss the question of there being any implications in these fleshed out themes. However, without a nuanced understanding of our salvation, the Christian is left deficient in their ability to espouse the Gospel that saved them. These themes affect Christians in two main ways, in our church ministries (i.e., pulpit ministry) and how we live out our vocation as image-bearers (Gen 1:26).

Ministry

Gospel-centred preaching is at the heart of our church services and ministries. Preaching God’s Word is how we teach, rebuke, correct, and instruct our members in righteousness so that they may be equipped to live out the Christian life (2 Tim 3:16-17). Therefore, having a nuanced and concise understanding of how we are saved shapes the way we live our lives. Is the emphasis of the Gospel on being saved from an angry God who hates humanity until we trust in Jesus, or is that we have been freed (redeemed), cleansed from sin (expiated) so that we can now live out our vocation as God intended? If it is only the former, then that simply solves God’s attitude towards humanity. The latter however, free’s humanity, in Christ to live as they were meant to, a kingdom of priests imaging God (1 Pet 2:9). This freeing and vocational calling needs to be the focus of our sermons.

Christian Life: Our Mission

If we get the Gospel nuances right in our pulpits, then we can live biblically in our lives and mission. If we see that Jesus’ death has freed us, ransomed us, cleansed us from sin for a purpose, we are starting to get to the heart of the Gospel. God has always intended humanity to be a new creation in Christ that images him and lives as genuinely human. N. T. Wright sums this up well when he says, “through the cross of Jesus won the Passover Victory over the powers, that he did this precisely by dying under the weight of the world’s sin, and that Christian mission consists of putting this victory into practice using the same means” (Wright 2016, 408). Love your neighbour (Mk 12:30-31) and enemies (Matt 5:44), even to the point of death so that they may “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps 34:8).

Conclusion

In this essay, we explored the themes of redemption and propitiation in Paul’s epistle to the Romans. Paul’s use of the word redemption in Romans 3:24 indicates a clear theology of the individual being set free from sin, and 8:23 indicated Paul’s theology that the entire created order groans as it eagerly awaits to be set free (redeemed) from sin on the eschatological day of judgment when Jesus comes to make all things new. Furthermore, this essay explored Pauls use of the word hilasterion, which could either be translated as propitiation or expiation (and mercy seat taken from Leviticus 16). From all the evidence considered, it seems that Paul emphasises a theology of expiation with a propitiatory theme implicit in the text. This means that Jesus’ death cleanses the believer from sin, sets him free and then because of that expiation, God’s wrath is turned away from the believer (an implied consequence of Jesus’ death, not an explicit one). Finally, with that in mind, it is clear that this emphasis on expiation, when preached from our pulpits, results in a vocational calling for the Christian instead of simply an attitude shift from God’s behalf towards the person.

List of References

Bailey, Daniel P. 2000. “Jesus as the Mercy Seat: The Semantics and Theology of Paul’s Use of Hilasterion in Romans 3:25.” Tyndale Bulletin, no. 51.1: 155-158.

Bird, Michael F. 2016. Romans. 2^nd ed.The Story of God Bible Commentary. Edited by Tremper Longman III and Scot McKnight. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Dunn, J. D. G. 1988. Romans 1–8, Vol. 38A. World Bible Commentary. Dallas: Word Incorporated.

Bruce, F. F. 1985. Romans an Introduction and a Commentary. Tyndale New Testament Commentary. Downers Grove: Inter-Varsity Press.

Gundry-Volf, J, M. 1993. “Expiation, Propitiation, Mercy Seat” in The Dictionary of Paul and his Letters, edited by Gerald F. Hawthorn, Ralph P. Martin, and Daniel G. Reid, 279-284. Downers Grove: Inter-Varsity Press.

Hagner, Donald A. 2008. “Romans” in The Expositors Bible Commentary, Vol. 11, edited by Tremper Longman III and David E, 19-238. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Hodd, C. D. 1935. The Bible and the Greek. London: Hodder and Stoughton.

Kidner, Derek. 1982. “Sacrifice – Metaphors and Meaning.” Tyndale Bulletin no. 33: 119-136.

Moo, Douglas J. 1996. The Epistle to the Romans. The New International Commentary on the New Testament. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Morris, L. 1955. The Apostolic Preaching of the Cross. Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdman Publishing Co.

Morris, L. 1988. The Epistle to the Romans. The Pillar New Testament Commentary. Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press.

Morris, L. 1993. “Redemption” in The Dictionary of Paul and His Letters, edited by Gerald F. Hawthorn, Ralph P. Martin, and Daniel G. Reid, 784-786. Downers Grove: Inter-Varsity Press.

Mounce, R. H. 1995. Romans, Vol. 27. The New American Commentary. Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

Schreiner, Thomas R. 2018. Romans. 2^nd ed. Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Stenschke, Christoph. 2017. “Human and Non-Human Creation and Its Redemption in Paul’s Letter to the Romans.” Neotestamentica, no. 51:2. 261-289,

Stott, John. 1994. The Message of Romans: God’s Good News for the World. The Bible Speaks Today. London: Inter-Varsity Press.

Wright, N. T. 2002. “Romans” in The New Interpreters Bible, Volume X. 393-770. Nashville: Abingdon Press.

Wright, N. T. 2016. The Day the Revolution Began. New York: Harper Collins Publishers.

Reflections on Why the Biblical Story Makes the Most Sense

07/07/202114/08/2025 scribblingtheology4 Comments

This is part IV in a series on apologetics. If you want to read the other articles click on the following links:

Part I What is Apologetics?
Part II People and Apologetics
Part III Christianity and the Questions of Right and Wrong

Enjoy!

“The value of the myth is that it takes all the things we know and restores to them the rich significance which has been hidden by ‘the veil of familiarity.’ The child enjoys his cold meat, otherwise dull to him, by pretending it is buffalo, just killed with his own bow and arrow. And the child is wise. The real meat comes back to him more savory for having been dipped in a story…by putting bread, gold, horse, apple, or the very roads into a myth, we do not retreat from reality: we rediscover it.”

― C.S. Lewis, On Stories: And Other Essays on Literature

Life is full of myth, lore, and drama that ensnares the imagination and catches us up within the rich tapestry that makes up our human story – that makes sense of our existence. Every one of us has this deep sense of our life, meaning more than it does, from the Sun rising in the East to the birds singing in the early morning. From the kettle boiling, our stomachs rumbling, the caress of a brisk winter wind, or the smell of saltwater in the Summer. The high pitched cry of a newborn baby and the roof of your mouth burning after taking a bite from a slice of hot pepperoni pizza. The gutted feeling you get over betrayal or the stress of paying your bills on time. The weariness one feels after a long day at work or looking after the family. For some, depression, for others, worse. Finally, the contentment (or excitement) of being in the arms of a lover – these are all paragraphs in the chapters to the book that makes up our existence.

The greatest stories ever written are told so that humanity can make sense of themselves. So that we can all slowly stitch together those chaotic, beautiful and terrifying chapters that we’ve all starred in. The world’s oldest stories, from the Enuma Elis (The Epic of Gilgamesh), The Hermopolis Egyptian creation myth, and The Eridu Genesis, to the Aboriginal dream-time stories and the Native American Creation myths, every culture and civilization has within their memory a story that defines who they are and why they’re here. For the modern West, we look to science and western philosophy to make sense of our humanity. According to evolutionary biologists, humanity (Homo sapiens) evolved from Homo heidelbergensis somewhere around 100 000 years ago. All life (a biologist might argue) evolved from the big bang event approximately 13.7 million years ago, and humanity is the latest in the evolutionary chain (that we know of). In light of this, philosophers like Fredrick Nietzsche and scientists in the neo atheist movement such as Richard Dawkins, and socio-political critics such a Christopher Hitchens might argue that life has no intrinsic meaning or value (this is called existential Nihilism). As Dawkins famously said, “the universe we observe is precisely what we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.” However, for most of us, this bleak commentary on the nature of existence remains unsatisfactory. Most of us, perhaps even Dawkins himself (though he might never admit it), have a deep-seated sense of “something more.” One cannot look at oneself in the mirror of the cosmos and not have their heart leap as it longingly grasps for something greater than themselves. We want to be known, we want to be loved, but we must first know ourselves and our place.

Herein lies the power of the biblical story (i.e. the Gospel – the Good News). The unfolding drama of the biblical story compellingly peels back the lays of the human existence and uniquely relates them to God, to one another, and the world in a way no other story does. Why is this story significant? Because of the way we live, relate to one another, and the world around us, the way we relate to God profoundly depends on how we comprehend, perceive and understand all of these things; otherwise, Nihilism may be true. Let us then explore this narrative so that we may judge for ourselves how this story makes sense of our existence.

God gives meaning and purpose to all that exists and orders it out of a chaotic state (Genesis 1:1-25)
Humanity is endowed with God’s image (Genesis 1:26), and they’re tasked to multiply and subdue the earth (Genesis 1:27-28)
This image that God gives humanity is two things. It is 1. an ontological reality (a part of their nature) in which every human somehow shares in, participates, and retains something of God (separate but related to His likeness). 2. It is a task or vocation that God bestows upon humanity to live out this ontological reality. That task is to multiply, subdue the earth, and guard and keep the Garden (Genesis 2:15), the dwelling place of God.
Humanity fails at walking in God’s image. Instead of guarding the Garden, Adam and Eve allowed the serpent to enter God’s dwelling place and corrupt it. Adam and Eve, therefore, chose for themselves wisdom apart from God and decided to rule themselves apart from God’s love and wisdom (Genesis 3).
God takes Adam and Eve and removes them from His dwelling place, stopping them from eating from the Tree of Life. Humanity has now chosen spiritual death and disunity with God, and as a result, they are disconnected from one another and the creation around them.
However, God doesn’t let the world fall into chaos. He promises that through the line of Eve, humanity will be saved by crushing the serpents head even at the risk of the seed’s own life (Genesis 3:15).

In just the first three chapters of the Bible, we have a densely rich narrative that paints humanities reality. We were created and chosen by God for good things. For unity, for love, peace and joy. Yet we went our own way. From Genesis 3:15 onwards, the entire Bible is story after story of God rescuing the world through chosen individuals and people groups, eventually culminating in the person and work of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:3-8). In the final pages of the Bible, the Apostle John tells of a world where through Jesus the Messiah, there will be no sickness or death. There will be no separation from God, life, each other, and the world around us (Revelation 24).

At the end of the day, it is up to the individual to decide which stories they want to believe in, and which they don’t. The Bible is a big book, and it isn’t something that’s supposed to be read and understood in a day, week, or even a year. It’s complex, gritty, raw, alien, but all too familiar at the same time. I believe, if we wrestle with every page and let the Scriptures speak for themselves, this metanarrative we call the Bible makes the most sense of who we are (image bearers made to be in relationship with God, one another, and the created world), where we are (in an unjust fallen world that we all contribute to), and where we’re going (new creation free from the tyranny of sin and death). My invitation to you is to consider its message carefully, reflect, and ask yourself this critical question “does this make sense of our story?” Whether you realise it or not, you’re a character in its unfolding drama.

How will your chapter end?

Doubt

20/07/202014/08/2025 scribblingtheologyLeave a comment

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I take counsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”

lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

– Psalm 13:1-4

Just the other day I was in the car with my girlfriend Sarah driving as she was speeding down a street to get to MacDonald’s. I said “I’m not so sure of my salvation that if we were to die right now, I’d be in Heaven. Please slow down.” Immediately she slowed down and then asked me, “you’re not sure of your salvation?” “No” I replied. For some reason, Sarah could not fathom my doubt, and it hasn’t been the only time. Often, especially these days, I doubt my Christianity, my salvation, and even God. For some Christians like Sarah, this is hard to imagine. She’s had such tangible experiences with God to doubt His existence or to question His love for you is like doubting whether gravity or air exists. However, for me, I can’t even begin to imagine a life filled with such confidence. Just think of it, a life where no matter the situation you trust God with such unwavering faith that you never doubt His love for you let alone His existence. What bliss!

I envy people like that. I wish I just knew that everything I read and understood in Scripture is true without a shadow of a doubt. But I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s my sinful nature, Satan, whether I’m a product of post-modernism. I’m afraid. I’m so scared that I’ll believe the wrong things and die on the wrong side of whatever ends up being true. I’m always questioning myself and my doctrine. I’m continually wondering if what I think is right, is true. Perhaps I should attempt to lay aside my doubt and just swallow everything I’ve been taught hook, line, and sinker. The very thought makes me cringe – sick in fact! Yet the idea of living in doubt is just as crippling.

There are small comforts. I see real people in the Bible live with doubt. David, in his darkest moments, seems to question if God will ever act (story of my life). Peter doubted Jesus when asked to walk on water (Matt 14:30-31). Thomas doubted and needed to touch the risen Lord (John 20:24-29). Sure doubt is not something great, but it’s very human. I just want to say doubting is entirely normal. It’s expected. Uncertainty is something to live by and to fight against. The human experience is the constant battle between assurance and the doubt you experience from day-to-day. Living in the tension between these two experiences is very, very human. You are not the only one. Almost everyone wrestles with questions and ideas they’ve held to their entire lives. It’s good to test them and to hold fast to that which proves good. Embrace the journey.

I wonder if Jesus ever doubted anything? Immediately I want to say no. Maybe He didn’t. Yet when I read about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, I wonder if a certain sense of uncertainty was trying to overcome Him. The Scriptures say that His soul was filled with grief and that He asked the Father if He would take away the impending cup (the coming atonement). Yes, Jesus immediately said “not my will but yours,” but why even express that unless doubt was crouching at the door wanting to rule over Him right? To me, this makes Jesus all the more human, and all the more relatable without taking away His Godly nature.

What’s my point? I dunno. Perhaps I want to remove the stigma that surrounds doubt. I want to be able to explore my doubts without feeling like I have to have it all together to be a good Christian while at the same time, I want to strive for assurance. We all just need a little help, I think.

“Belief in God does not exempt us from feelings of abandonment by God. Praising God does not inoculate us from doubts about God.”

– Eugene Peterson

“I do not believe there ever existed a Christian yet, who did not now and then doubt his interest in Jesus. I think, when a man says, “I never doubt,” it is quite time for us to doubt him.”

– Charles Spurgeon

“I think the trouble with me is lack of faith… often when I pray I wonder if I am not posting letters to a non-existent address.”

– C.S. Lewis

Let’s Fight Depression

11/09/201914/08/2025 scribblingtheology2 Comments

I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages. – C. H. Spurgeon

It’s only been hours since Jarrid Wilson pastor, and author of Love Is Oxygen: How God Can Give You Life and Change Your World, and Jesus Swagger died by suicide. As a personal favourite of mine, the news hit me hard. For the past two hours, I’ve been at a loss for word, tearing up, confused, shocked, and unable to properly process how someone like Jarrid – with a beautiful wife and two amazing kids, a successful author and megachurch pastor could, in a single moment give it all away. My heart aches for him, his friends and his family. I can bearly begin to fathom the hurt, trauma and anguish in the days, weeks, months and even years that are ahead for those closest to him. However, this hasn’t been the only case recently where a pastor has chosen to end their life rather than continue on. Suicide, depression and mental health problems are bombarding the Church in what seems like higher numbers than ever before. Personally, as someone who identifies strongly with this, I can’t help but say “this is not the kind of Christianity that I signed up for.” So many questions are rolling around in my head. Why is this happening to us? What is depression, and why is it so crippling? How do we fight this? Where’s God in all of this? I really don’t know.

This is not the Christianity I signed up for. Sure, I didn’t expect it to be all rainbows and butterflies, but the Christian life is meant to be full of joy and love and goodness, right? We were all told that God has a great and wonderful plan for our lives, that He wants to bless and prosper us. Where’s the light and easy yoke? Where’s the comfort, and the peace that surpasses all understanding? These are all legitimate promises and verses in the Bible, yet, in reality, it often feels like we rarely ever experience it. The fallen world gets the better of us. Sin crouches at the door, and it feels like we rarely rule over it. Depression smashes us and leaves us without hope, and we end up feeling like the Psalter who says:

My soul thirsts for God,
    for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
    “Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
    as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
    and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
    a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me? (Psalm 42:2-5a)

Notice though the glimmer of hope, how he longs to gladly shout praises amid his sorrow. How hard it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I get that … I really do. God, dear beloved friend, gets it even more. Jesus, the man of sorrows shares in your pain, your anguish and your tears and He took them to the Cross. He longs to take hold of you and never let go. He loves you more then I could ever express in mere words. I know it’s impossible for you to see, but He offers new life.

Depression is dark and uncertain, but God called forth light and defeated darkness on the Cross so that we might live and live it abundantly.

I don’t have answers. God does. Take up your swords fellow depressed and beaten down brothers and sisters, slay that which seeks to destroy your soul, take hold of the One who wants to bear your burden and for God sakes join arms with others. Please, we want to help you even if all we can do is hug you tight and pray. The fight sucks, but it is worth it…

Finally, here is my challenge:

Christians make yourself available and make that publically known to everyone around you. Don’t let someone slip through the cracks because you were too lazy to love someone.
Pastors stop preaching trash. Get it into your thick skull, the message of the Bible isn’t sunshine and lollipops. It’s light overcoming darkness, and that’s yet to come to completion until our King returns. Preach the Cross. Preach freedom. Preach life. Just don’t forget to preach it out of the reality we live in, not the one we try to create for ourselves.
If you’re struggling hardcore with this and you know me. Contact me, please. Let’s walk, talk and drink coffee together. I’ll listen, pray and give you a hug. You’re worth it and much much more.